Can You Say Cliché?

Yesterday I went to the movies one last time before going to Spain for the break. I wanted to see two movies opening that day, The Pursuit of Happyness, and Eragon. Unfortunately, I chose the latter. So listen to my cautionary tale (even if I'm not #5) and avoid this movie like the plague.
I love the fact that fantasy movies are fashionable, and that every major studios wants to have a franchise that deals with magic, dragons, knights, and -hopefully- scantily clad but heroic women. And if the source material is a book, then it's even better.
The first thing I'll say is that I haven't read Eragon. I remember when it came out a few years ago -2003, to be precise-, and I remember thinking it looked terrible. I mean, the sample from the novel they put in the back to advertise the book was something like "the wind was blowing in the trees", or something along those lines. It that was how the publisher was trying to entice me, well: fat chance of that happening.
The second thing I'll say is that the book was written by a 17 year-old. Yeah, impressive, I know. But just because a boy wrote it, it doesn't mean it deserves praise. Still, I haven't read it, so I can't say anything. However, some of the things that are wrong with the movie obviously come from the book. One is the fact that dragons have feathers. I mean, I thought dragons were reptiles, but I guess anything goes in fantasy. And another thing is the name of the main character. Every time he said "I'm Eragon", I felt compelled to complete the sentence with "son of Arathorn" in my mind. Christopher Paolini, the author, was obviously inspired by Tolkien and other fantasy authors when he wrote his book, but this is a little too much, I think.
And still, you could argue I'm just being picky, and probably I am. Those, however, are minor flaws, quite subjective and maybe not even relevant. Slightly more important are a couple of things that don't make a whole lot of sense, such as the dragon plummeting and flying recklessly when the young rider is supposed to be learning to ride (no wonder he had such a hard time), or how, mysteriously -but very conveniently-, a horse is able to run as fast as a dragon flies. The reason why this is so is so the horse rider can show up when needed, obviously; but the fact that it would have been impossible for him to gallop that fast is blissfully ignored, in hopes nobody will wonder about it.
In third place, and even more important, is the exposition that stains part of the movie, especially at the very beginning. First we have a narrator introducing us to this world, and his not completely necessary words are accompanied by images of the events he is talking about. That wouldn't be too bad (except for the part, in the present now, when he says "the young boy went hunting", when you can actually see said boy going hunting), but the fact that fifteen minutes later a character tells the boy the same story we just heard makes you wonder why the heck the narrator said it in the first place, if it was going to be said later on. Or how come the boy doesn't know the story that shaped his world into what it is today.
But what is hardly tolerable is the fact that every single character in the movie is a walking cliché. We have the young main character, who is a farmboy (a farmboy! Good ole Chris must like his Star Wars); the fallen hero; the ignored teacher; the cute princess in distress; the evil -not to mention ugly- sorcerer; the ruthless king; the hidden rebels; ; the mysterious and ambiguous ally; the deadly mistakes. Hell, there's even an oracle! (She's hot, though.) It didn't matter how much I tried to enjoy the movie, the paper-thin characters and the terrible, clichéd dialogue (and I mean really) would yank me out of the fantasy world that was being presented in front of my eyes.
And then of course we have the high- speed development the main character goes through. This truly is "from zero to hero" in a matter of minutes: first you can barely wave a stick, and, all of a sudden, you're casting battle spells. Just like that. Convenient? Definitely. Believable? Well, not so much.
It is commendable that a 17 year-old writes a novel -or, as it is threatened, a trilogy-, but that doesn't mean the book should be published, or that a movie this horrible should be made out of it. Save your hard-earned cash and stay away from this terrible film. You're welcome.

PS: I just checked the reviews at Rotten Tomatoes, where Eragon scores 15%, and maybe I could be a critic too. In only the first 35 excerpts, I've spotted six references to Star Wars, and many others for LOTR. See? It's not just me. I feel validated ;)