Early Contender

For worst movie of the year, that is. I mean, this movie was so bad I don't understand how it could have possibly been made. After reading the harsh reviews (like Nash's) and the poor word of mouth, I still thought I might enjoy the film, seeing as I would step into the theater with really low expectations. And it was still horrible.

There is nothing in this movie that's any good. Actually, I take that back. The creature design is cool. I liked the witches, the Kraken, the strange guys with glowing blue eyes, and the flying creatures Hades sends against the humans. However, and rather surprisingly, the effects were kind of bad, especially Medusa, who was all rubbery and super fake.

The story ("kill the Kraken") was horrendous, and the script was embarrassing. The movie opens with some heavy exposition that is narrated to us while we get to see some irrelevant images. Then it proceeds to gracelessly set the stage for Perseus to be all grown up with a handful of scenes cobbled together, only to have his origin revisited halfway through the movie, when another big chunk of bad exposition is inflicted upon the audience. Why not start the film with Perseus being ready to start his quest (get to the scene as late as possible, as William Goldman advices in his great book Which Lie Did I Tell?), and then work in the relevant parts of his past through dialogue and characters? I guess that would have required an effort on the part of the writers, and why do that when you can just phone it in?

The acting was okay, but with unfunny oneliners and bad dialogue there wasn't much the actors could do to hold the audience's interest or to be interesting themselves. Let me give you a particularly good (read "bad") example. Perseus and another guy are talking while crossing the river Styx on a boat, and the guy says something like "Perseus, keep leading us on," to which Perseus replies with a determined nod. What is the point of this exchange? Does he think Perseus is going to turn the boat around and go back the way they came? Of course he's going to keep leading them on!

Let's see, then. Bad story? Check. Laughable script? Check. Pointless dialogue? Check. Unremarkable characters? Check. Crappy special effects? Check. Should you skip this movie? Check to the Nth power.