Belligerent Bears

Just like Tropic Thunder, this is another DVD I wasn’t expecting to watch. Just like Tropic Thunder, critics raved about this animated movie. Just like Tropic Thunder, I got ready to be disappointed. Which didn’t exactly happen.

While I will not rush to the store to buy this movie, Kung Fu Panda is lots of fun, and the character design and animation are phenomenal. There’re plenty of jokes, a couple of really cool action sequences, and a lot of heart. However, this is a story we have all seen before, and that lack of originality makes the movie shine a little less, I think. I do like the themes in the movie (I always do and always will): follow your dreams, persevere and you will get there, don’t let other people tell you what you can and can’t do, trust your abilities. This, however, makes for a very predictable movie, and surprises is one thing you will not find in this film. Just like you were never quite sure what was going to happen in Wall·e (the other big animated movie of the year), you pretty much always know what’s going to happen in Kung Fu Panda. Other than that, the movie was brilliant as I said, from the voice acting to the outrageous sense of humor.

So there you go. I don’t think you’ll regret watching this movie, but I wouldn’t get this DVD expecting an animated masterpiece, so go ahead and watch it, and then come back and let us know what you thought.

Cruise Controls

Critics raved about Tropic Thunder. My friends raved about Tropic Thunder. I watched Tropic Thunder on DVD, knowing that I was bound to be disappointed. And I was right.

Tropic Thunder, written and directed by Ben Stiller, is a movie about a group of actors shooting a war movie in Vietnam. The only problem is that they end up in the middle of a real conflict but are clueless about it. The movie stars Ben Stiller, Robert Downey, Jr., and Jack Black, and it is funny. Only, it’s not as funny as everyone else said it was.

I thought Robert Downey, Jr. was going to be the most outrageous thing in the movie, seeing as he plays an Australian method actor who plays an African American soldier. I already knew RDJ was an incredibly gifted actor, and his different accents for his character are so convincingly real you can’t believe he’s just faking it. However, RDJ didn’t turn out to be my favorite thing in the movie. Surprisingly, that dubious honor went to Tom Cruise and his amazing performance as the head of the studio producing the movie within the movie. This is Tom Cruise like you’ve never seen him before (that is, not playing Tom Cruise). He is bald, cruel, and oh so angry. He curses every other word and gets into the character so deeply and flawlessly that it makes you wonder why he’s never done this before. For him if nothing else, Tropic Thunder is worth watching. Oh, and for the fake trailers at the beginning of the movie. Priceless!

Mola Ram

A friend of mine gave me the Mola Ram statue from the Mighty Muggs series for Christmas, and that inspired me to draw the nefarious character. Just in case you’ve been living in a cave for the last thirty years, Mola Ram is the bad guy from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, the one that rips hearts out of people while still alive. A very nice, charming man, as you can see. Anyway, here you have the picture. Enjoy!

[Expletive Deleted] Surprise

I finally bought Live Free or Die Hard on DVD, and I was scared it wouldn't be as great as I thought it was when I saw it in theaters last year. I should have known John McClane wouldn't disappoint, though: the movie was as much fun as I remembered. Not only that, but I got a nice surprise. You can choose between watching the theatrical cut or the unrated version, and what do you know, all the cursing and swearing and foul language that was so sadly missing from the theatrical version is here in all its R-rated glory. And before you claim that I seem to enjoy profanity more than I should, I hasten to deny it. However, as somebody else pointed out (I think it was Halagan, as a matter of fact), a PG-13 McClane feels almost like a cheat, a fake. McClane swears while he's bleeding, that's just who he is, and that part of him was missing from the movie I saw in theaters. Well, not anymore, so get ready for a few F-bombs, motherf#*%ers!

Soulless

I am sorry to report that the critics were right: The Spirit is a horrible movie. My dear Scarlett Johansson is still gorgeous, but man this movie sucks. There are several reasons for this (in no particular order):

The acting is bad. Sure, this is Frank Miller’s first directorial effort, but you would think he would have done a better job having co-directed Sin City with Robert Rodriguez. (Now we know Rodriguez deserves all the credit for that movie.) However, that is not the case. Sam Jackson’s performance is so over the top it is ridiculous, and my beloved Scarlett recites her lines looking completely detached, disinterested, and out of it. Maybe she was embarrassed because she knew how awful this film was.

She is not the only one to deliver flat lines, though. The dialogue throughout the whole movie is flat, lifeless, full of clichés and common places. The one-liners fall flat and are cheesy as hell, but not as cheesy as the bad voiceovers or the horrendous, inexplicable chunks of clunky exposition the main character (Gabriel Macht) inflicts upon us. The Spirit will just stand on top of a building and say something like “Octopus, I am coming to get you and put an end to this sorry affair.” And then he’ll jump over to the next rooftop to go find his nemesis. Now that is bad moviemaking.

The plot was trite and unoriginal, and the characters were the opposite of compelling (you knew I was going to use that word sooner or later). I just didn’t care who the Spirit was, what the Octopus knew, and what their motivation was. I didn’t care about the outcome, and couldn’t have cared less about several other things, including revelations, confrontations, and the fate of the different supporting characters. (Fun fact for my Spanish readers: Paz Vega plays a French belly dancer! French!)

Something else I didn’t like was the cinematography. The movie is stylish and somewhat unique-looking, but it shows that Frank Miller is used to drawing comics. What I mean by that is that many, many scenes and frames in the movie look intentionally 2D, as if they had been drawn by Miller, and I don’t think that looks good onscreen. It works on the page, but not so much in a movie.

As for how good an adaptation of the original comic book the movie is, I have no idea. I’ve never read The Spirit, so I can’t judge, but, as a standalone movie, The Spirit is a terrific example of how not to write dialogue, how not to build characters, and how not to tell a story. So I guess it was worth something.

Mis lecturas - 2008

Doce libros es mi balance final lector de este año que ya ha pasado. ¿Paupérrimo número? Pues sí, es posible. El caso es que sigo en mi media de una docena de volúmenes cada 365 días. Y no me voy a poner a calcular ahora cuanto significa eso en páginas por día. Que no me quiero deprimir.

En fin, exceptuando algún comic que otro, aquí está lo que he leído durante el año 2008. Ficción y no-tan-ficción, que yo le hago sitio a todo:

Perfect Dark: Initial Vector
Entretenidísima novela que narra las aventuras de la maciza a la par que tía dura Joanna Dark, y de la que ya hablé en su momento aquí.

Making a Good Script Great
Sí, sigo queriendo cobrar dinero por escribir guiones, y, si el momento acaba llegando, de seguro que este excelente ensayo de Linda Seger habrá tenido buena parte de culpa. De lectura fluida, este libro ataca la escritura de guiones desde un ángulo muy accesible, dando consejos acerca de, entre otras cosas, cómo estructurarlos y darles cohesión. Y todo ello usando ejemplos extraídos de películas bien conocidas y apreciadas por todos, lo que, además de ilustrativo, siempre es de agradecer.

Misery
Excelentísima novela del maestro del suspense que ya comenté en extensión aquí.

La sombra del viento
El libro que puso a Carlos Ruiz Zafón en boca de todos tiene bien merecida su fama. Personajes inolvidables, descripciones brillantes, diálogos ingeniosos y una historia que baila entre la fantasía y la realidad histórica son los grandes méritos de esta novela, que una vez que te atrapa no te suelta. El que no haya leído aún esta joya, ya está tardando.

The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger
El primer volumen de la famosa saga Dark Tower del maestro King contiene una historia extraña como ella sola. Incluso para un adicto a las mezclas de géneros como yo. En esta novela no hay fronteras, y, aunque se entiende muy bien lo que pasa en cada momento, no se explica ni por asomo por qué pasa. Supongo que se podría resumir básicamente en una pregunta: ¿qué pasaría si Stephen King quisiera escribir como Kafka?
Espero que los siguientes libros de la saga… bueno, en realidad me conformo con seguir pasando páginas, porque no tengo ni la más remota idea de qué esperar de esto. Si no fuera porque voy recomendado, ni me molestaría en seguir leyendo.

His Majesty’s Dragon
Esta novela de Naomi Novik sirve de introducción a un fascinante pasado alternativo en el que las fuerzas oponentes durante las Guerras Napoleónicas cuentan con un arma de peso en sus respectivos arsenales: dragones. His Majesty’s Dragon se lee muy rápido, principalmente por lo fabuloso que resulta el viaje a esta realidad fantástica y el constante goteo de innumerables detalles que ayudan a darle forma. Si tan solo Laurence se relajara un poco...

Kingdoms of Thorn and Bone I: The Briar King
Definitivamente este libro de Greg Keyes, que da comienzo a su tetralogía fantástica de los reinos de espina y hueso, es de lo mejor que he leído este año. La prosa de Keyes es fluida, sus descripciones muy adecuadas y sus personajes increíblemente absorbentes. Por no hablar de todo el detalle que ha puesto en este universo ficticio, a escala casi tolkieniana. No puedo esperar para saber cómo continúa la saga.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Book of Fours
Desde hace mucho tiempo este libro de Nancy Holden dormitaba sobre mi estantería de lecturas pendientes, y, no sin un fuerte ejercicio de mentalización, al fin me deshice de él. Se deja leer, y, la verdad, prefiero no decir más. Sólo para fans acérrimos de la serie de televisión Buffy, the Vampire Slayer.

Nightmares & Dreamscapes
Ésta es la colección de historias cortas que, tras The Gunslinger, me devolvió mi fe inquebrantable en Stephen King. Las hay para todos los gustos, pero, por destacar unas cuantas, mis favoritas son Dolan’s Cadillac, Chattery Teeth, Sneakers, You Know They Got a Hell of a Band, Home Delivery, y The Ten O’Clock People. Por no hablar de Head Down, el excelente ensayo en el que King relata las andanzas del equipo de béisbol de su hijo durante la temporada de 1989.

Creating Unforgettable Characters
Libro de Linda Seger sobre cómo escribir y crear personajes de ficción para la pantalla grande (y la no tan grande). Muy útil y recomendable. Para el que le interesen ese tipo de cosas, claro.

Adventures in the Screen Trade
Este libro de William Goldman es una joya. A base de narrar sus experiencias como guionista en Hollywood, Goldman nos ofrece un retrato de la meca del cine sin tapujos ni paños calientes. Una lectura muy entretenida e indispensable para cualquier cinéfilo o guionista en proceso, que incluye además el guión completo de Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

Which Lie Did I Tell? More Adventures in the Screen Trade
Esta continuación a una joya desafía el conocido dicho de que “nunca segundas partes fueron buenas”. Which Lie Did I Tell? es tan buen libro como su hermano mayor, si no mejor, y Goldman sigue analizando la industria de Hollywood y cómo hacer películas, esta vez con ejemplos algo más actuales. Por no hablar de que incluye además un guión original de nuestro autor favorito, escrito exclusivamente para la ocasión.

Lovelorn

A few days ago, I told you about SFX, the first story arc of the new San Francisco-based Uncanny X-Men. I told you Greg Land and Terry Dodson were going to be sharing artistic duties on the title, but Land got to do almost every single page over the last few issues. That changes with Uncanny X-Men #504, which is drawn by Terry Dodson exclusively, starting with the beautiful cover you can see above, and finishing with, well, the last page.

This new story arc, Lovelorn, is written by Matt Fraction, and it focuses on the outcome of a particular event that happened in the SFX story. On this issue, Emma Frost accesses Cyclops's mind to find some information, and let's just say that what she finds in there plays to Terry Dodson's strengths as an artist, something not as obvious in the following issue, UXM #505.

So we have a good beginning of what promises to be not only an interesting story, but the launch pad for X-Infernus, the mutant miniseries that's already invading comic book stores everywhere (I’ll wait for the trade), plus amazing artwork. What are you waiting for, then? Go ahead and check it out!